Wednesday, July 13, 2011

love: some perspectives

Photobucket

I am not a very "lovey dovey" kind of person, nor have I ever been very good at articulating the way I feel into words. You wont often find me in a philosophical conversation about what love is, or giving out love life advice to people. I have always been jealous of the way some people can express their intimate feelings in such a beautiful and poetic way. Despite all this I found myself on the weekend in two different conversations about the complexities of relationships.

One of these conversations was with Brendan's dad and the other with my mum - two people who I trust know a lot about the topic despite being in two very different situations. Brendan's parents have been together for nearly thirty years and are very much in love whilst unfortunately my parents are in the middle of a separation. For some reason both there trains of thought really struck home with me and I thought I would share.

Brendan's dad said we all need to realise that relationships can be hard work, that at times things can be tough and its all not a bed of roses but at the end of the day it comes down to whether or not the person your with is a good person and that they treat you well and that you can go to bed smiling. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes but at the end of the day we have to go back to basics, is this person good and do I love them? If the answer is yes than it is most likely worth working for.

My mums advice followed very similar lines, she said you can never go into a relationship thinking you can change someone. The person your with now, is the person they will be in thirty years time. If you can accept their faults and they yours, that's a good start as it leaves plenty of time to concentrate on the things you love about them.

Take from this what you will, I just found it really interesting listening to their different perspectives and being able to take it and apply it to my relationship. As for what I think... I am not perfect and either is Brendan but all the time I find new things about him to fall in love with and I think that is pretty special.
P.S This give away ends tomorrow, don't forget to enter ♥

20 comments:

  1. it is special. I'm awful at expressing myself too and often too scared to if I'm honest... but this post is just what I needed to read :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I loved reading this.. I sure can't give advice for relationships too well but I love hearing older peoples wisdom on it. Such a lovely photo of you two xo

    ReplyDelete
  3. What your mum said is so true. No one can change unless they themselves see the fault in them (if they have any) and want to change it. I have been through experiences where i thought i could change that "one" Guy, but i have learnt that you cant. I believe that if someone really wants to change for the better can change, if they have God in there life, but thats just talking through experiences i have been through. :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. You can express feelings about love, because this is a beautiful post. Relationships are a lot of work, but so worth it:)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I love these outlooks on love. I am learning these things now. I believe that relationships are hard work and every one has their faults but at the end of the day if you can't imagine your life without that person then it is worth fighting for.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think you did pretty darn well expressing yourself, young lady!

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is such a lovely post. Makes me reflect on my own behaviour. I'm not, at all, a lovey dovey person.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This is really really lovely. The way you wrote this post really does hit home. My parents are going through a little something right now too.

    But like your man's dad says a relationship is hard and takes time to work on and yes it ain't a bed of roses but if you really love someone its worth it. I like to express my positive side a lot when it comes to the "www" I don't think I really like to tell people about my negative side mainly because I feel like no one really wants to see that. So I guess when I express myself or love it's only the positive side people see not the other side that of course is there. I think either way however anyone chooses to express themselves it doesn't matter because at the end of the day we all are different and we all express things differently! I use to vent a lot of my social networking sites, I think I still do a bit but not as much as I use to when I was a teen. eek! It's so lovely you have such a strong bond between two important people in your life. And their words of wisdom is really nice. That photo of you & Brendan is lovely! Real couples fight, love, fight and love. That's like the boy & me too! hahah!

    btw the Solar Power guy that did the paper work for us the other week looks just like your boyfriend and his name was Brendan too! But how can there be one in NSW and one in WA hahaha! I just realised that they look very alike ahahah!

    eek, long comment :p

    ReplyDelete
  9. I don't talk about love and relationships much either, but I think about those topics a lot. I agree that both people need to be committed to making it work in the long run. That probably sounds trite, but my point is that if you're committed, you'll try to see the other person's point of view instead of being selfish, you'll make time for the other person, etc. And respect is really important...remembering what you admire about your partner and focusing on that. My husband and I both come from families with divorced parents, so we worry about making the same mistakes. My dad helpfully told us before we got married that we had a much higher risk of getting divorced one day because of our family backgrounds. (Thanks, Dad!) But I believe my husband and I will stay together as long as we're both committed to the marriage and because we're pretty compatible in terms of how we communicate and view the world.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm sorry to hear about your parents :(

    I love the advice that both your Mum and Brendan's Dad gave. They are both so true.

    That photo of you both is darling!

    x Jasmine

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for leaving a comment. I read all comments that people take the time to leave. As often as possible I reply to peoples comments on their own blog - but always feel free to email me at timeaftertea@gmail.com